Healthy Leaders Choose to be Broken
I remember the first time I honestly did not know what to do next as a leader. It was 1985, and I was in my twenties. Our department had been ruptured by two strong personalities who had each built a faction. I never imagined our team would endure such discord. I shut down emotionally and didn’t talk to my wife about it for weeks. I had neither age nor experience on my side, yet I was supposed to run point.
I didn’t want to admit I had no idea what to do. I was the leader, after all.
We made it through that troubled season, but not until I had learned a valuable leadership lesson. It’s a principle I’ve carried with me over the last forty years. Regardless of how long we’ve led a team of people, they will either witness humility in us, or they’ll eventually witness humiliation in us.
Allow me to explain.
Humility or Humiliation
Humility and humiliation come from the same Latin root word, “humus.” It means to be low or “close to the ground” or “from the earth.” When someone displays humility, we understand them as being grounded. They’re operating from a solid foundation, not thinking too arrogantly but acknowledging their need for others. The term “from the earth,” means we all come from and go to the same place. Our bodies are made from the same chemicals that make up dirt, and we will one day be buried right back in the dirt. We may have been famous or gifted, but eventually, we all end up six feet under.
Being grounded means you understand your value in relation to others. I love the story of the foreigner who visited a small village in Europe. Upon seeing a local man seated in the park, the visitor inquired, “Any great people born here?” The local man smiled and said, “Nope,” he replied. “Only babies.”
When we lack this understanding, we often experience humiliation instead of humility. This occurs when leaders find “the ground” through means other than self-reflection. Someone reveals our faults, shares our secrets, or puts us in our place. Perhaps we face someone with far greater charisma, smarts, or talent. Or worse, we find out what people really think about us after years have passed.
The fact is, leaders find themselves grounded in one of these two ways. They accept their flaws, invite others to fill their gaps, and remain open to input from people. That’s being grounded through self-awareness. That’s humility. The more common way is to become grounded by outsiders, in front of others. The leader becomes humiliated because they refuse to see what others can plainly see. It may include being called out in a meeting or a debate with a boss. It may even be evident at a retirement party when a conspicuously small number of colleagues show up.
The Pathway to Humility is Brokenness
Most of us grow into humility by being broken. Due to our ego, pride, or ingrown lifestyle, we must be broken of self-sufficiency, self-promotion, self-righteousness, or self-absorption. These blind us from seeing what others see. To be clear, we can’t live in a state of brokenness, but if we allow ourselves to be broken, we can live in a state of humility.
I have experienced two seasons of brokenness in my career as a leader.
The first occurred when my department was divided, as I mentioned in this article. It took me a while to get to the end of myself, but I got there. I invited others into my journey, received wise counsel and included a team to offer input from that time onward. But brokenness was thrust upon me.
The second time, I was willing to initiate the process. I was forty years old, and it surrounded a big project I labored on but got no credit for. It was difficult, even emotional, but I worked quickly to get to the end of my ego.
Both were seasons of brokenness, but the first instance I was broken involuntarily; the second voluntarily.
You have the same choice in front of you.
On the other side of a broken experience, we’re not only grounded, but we gain perspective on the world around us. Others observe that we can see the big picture and how everyone fits into it. We see what others see. As author C.S. Lewis put it, “We don’t think less of ourselves, but we think of ourselves less.”
Steve Jobs sent an email to himself before he passed away:
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Steve Jobs is an icon, but even in the midst of his self-confidence, he was wise to choose humility and brokenness, at least toward the end.
Let’s join him and all other wise leaders in this humility.
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