Ideas for Repurposing Your Energy as You Age
On a single day, I spoke individually to three business leaders who each began to shed tears in our meeting. This was unlike them. All three people worked in different industries and had arrived at levels of success that others admired. They, however, felt success was elusive. Each felt melancholy about something in their lives, their work or their family. All three were in the second half of their careers—and I began to see a pattern.
I turned 65 years old in November of 2024. There is something about my life station that compels me to evaluate everything. It’s like a store manager who knows it’s time to take inventory of their products. Are we where we should be? Those who know me usually describe me as a positive, hopeful and fun-loving guy with an over-developed sense of humor. These days, I am feeling new emotions I’ve never felt before.
I cried with these guys I mentioned above. I am aging.
Our Greatest Fear as We Age
At first you fear becoming irrelevant, especially as you see what younger generations bring when they enter the marketplace. They intuitively see where culture is heading, and it becomes clear you can see the past far better than the future. Then the fear of irrelevance morphs into the feeling of irrelevance. “Do I even matter anymore?” The advice people once sought from you, they now seek from others. You are a relic; novel because you’re like an antique.
The natural response for an aging leader is to hold on to whatever power you possess. It took you decades to earn it, climbing higher, scratching to get ahead, displaying work ethic that you see little of in younger generations. So, you cling to a perceived authority and to the position you’ve earned and feel you deserve. This is precisely what we see in our nation’s capital—aging representatives in congress, the senate, the judiciary branch and even the White House yearning to hold on to their power as long as they can. Reelection becomes far more important than doing what’s best for our country.
You might even suspect that you’re not getting any more promotions because others think you’re too old. You consider filing an age discrimination lawsuit. You may begin to endure low grades of depression. It’s easy at this point, to simply work harder to be that person you strove to be earlier in your life. You muse that maybe you just need to double down on your effort and show everyone how valuable you really are. I think of the words of philosopher Henry David Thoreau: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” He later said, “What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and must console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats.”
The overarching perception? I am not who I thought I would be at this point.
The older we get, the more we might just recognize we didn’t become that man or woman we thought we would be. We didn’t become as notable, we didn’t make as much money as we’d expected and we soon realized people do not take us as seriously as we hoped they would. I’ll never forget when I first heard someone break down the stages of life: “The first 25 years of your life, you worry heavily about what others think about you. The next 25 years, you resolve to stop worrying about what others think about you. The final 25 years you realize… they were not thinking about you at all.”
Three Insights I’ve Learned
As I witnessed this melancholy stage surface in my own life, I made three moves that have helped me immensely. They were all abnormal and counter-cultural to our American norms.
Make lateral moves.
Stop seeing your life and career as a ladder to climb. Not everyone fits best at the top of the ladder anyway. Instead of a corporate ladder, consider a corporate lattice. As I turned over the reins of the organization I founded in 2003, I found comfort in moving sideways, into roles that suit who I am now and what I have to give. I am coaching leaders, speaking quite a bit and enjoying my pace so much more. Don’t think “climb,” think “connect.”
Leverage the stage you are in.
Arthur Brooks reminds us in his book, From Strength to Strength, that our brains morph over our lifetime, moving from fluid to crystallized intelligence. We are more fluid in the first 40 years, more crystallized in the next 40 years. Fluid is about adapting and creating; crystallized is about clarifying and summarizing. Fluid intelligence learns things quickly; crystallized teaches things quickly. So, the worst thing you can do as you age is to try to be who you once were. The best thing you can do is to be who you are right now. Reach back and begin coaching younger people. Don’t think “manage,” think “mentor.”
Keep learning every week.
The surest way to avoid feeling irrelevant is to keep learning new insights. John Maxwell says, “Don’t be a ‘know-it-all’ be a ‘learn-it-all.’” I agree. I’m committed to read two books a month, to meet with new people and to learn at the events where I speak. This keeps me young at heart, humble and hungry. Growth is always a sign of life. Stagnation is often a sign of death. I’m sure to be irrelevant unless I keep growing. Ask yourself: When was the last time I did something for the first time? Don’t think “maintenance,” think “movement.”
There’s no doubt I shed more tears and feel more emotions now than I did in my past. But, I’d like to think it’s because I’m in touch with what’s going on and where I’m growing. I hope this will be your story, too.
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