Why Generations Struggle to Connect and What to Do

I was at a party recently where I noticed something I had witnessed frequently over my lifetime. The party included families, complete with parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, teens, and children. Predictably, each age segment migrated toward their peers, with children connecting with other children, teens with teens and older adults with each other.

Call it the path of least resistance.

This is a phenomenon social scientists call “age polarization.” It describes peoples’ preferences to associate with those who are similar in age. The concept stems from the psychological idea of “similarity-attraction.” We tend to expect those the same age as us to hold similar values, views, attitudes, opinions, and behaviors. Sticking to our age cohorts results in comfortable familiarity. While this predisposition has been around forever, it has expanded in modern times. Consider the last one hundred years.

From Synthesized to Polarized

Children once attended a one-room schoolhouse, where all ages interacted with each other. Teachers had five-year-old, ten-year-old, and thirteen-year-old students learning together. In fact, the older students were often called upon to help teach the younger ones. Over time, we split them into grades where students were secluded with their peers. We created social silos.

When families attended church in the past, they all worshipped together. Children learned how to be respectful and reverent in a congregation during a service. In time, we segregated people by age, starting children’s church, youth groups and adult programs that are age appropriate. Parents can enjoy a deep discussion about scripture while teens are led by a zany youth pastor who may be standing on his head and spitting out quarters.

In the beginning, television aired fewer programs. Families and friends gathered and watched the same show regardless of their age. Variety shows and comedies filled prime-time TV, so everyone not only laughed together but had something to talk about afterward. It took a decade for age-segmented shows to air and for multiple TVs to enter our homes.

When I was young it was common for families to enjoy dinner together. Mom and dad were from one generation while the kids were from another. But in the interaction, members could understand how each made sense of their day. Today, we are on the go, with little time to process our day at a table. We are in an SUV, scarfing down chicken nuggets in route to practice.  

Even social media platforms separate age groups today. While Snapchat can be used by any generation, it tends to attract younger users. Facebook was originally intended for Ivy League college students, but now is used primarily by older generations. Why? We are prone to find our own kind on particular apps and stay there. It’s our echo chamber.  

Even when we enter the final stage of our lives, we segregate. Fewer families are present to take care of aging parents or grandparents. We’ve constructed retirement villages where eighty-year-olds hang out with other eighty-year-olds. Those of us in midlife often have little time or patience to care for elders who are slow, hard of hearing, and immobile.

In short, we have created convenient lifestyles where people become lazy, impatient, and lack emotional intelligence. Intergenerational interaction is not as common. This becomes a tangible problem as young adults graduate into multi-generational teams at work where they must be good at collaborating with those who are different than they are.

How Do We Benefit From Mixing Things Up?

While I understand why and how all of this happened, these kinds of changes are a tradeoff. Students learn more efficiently in an appropriate grade in school, but they often make academic gains at the expense of the emotional intelligence that comes from interacting with older generations. Today, our IQ may be higher, but our EQ is lower.

So, what do we do to mix things up?

University of Pennsylvania sociologist Adam Grant talks about “young geniuses” and “old masters.” He believes every elder generation has something to offer the less experienced ones. He also believes the younger ones have something to add to the veterans. After all, when companies attempt to figure out their newest customer base, who better to help them understand them than those from that new demographic?

So, why not establish relationships between “old masters” and “young geniuses”? Have each share their story to find common ground. Then, have them play a game that Miami professor Meghan Gerhardt calls: “Ask Me About…” Each person considers something they know well that the other likely doesn’t understand well. Then, have them swap their genius.

Twelve years ago, our team began to do this informally. I had a new book published that year, and we had teammates from four generations on our staff. As we considered how to connect with various buyers, we sought the “genius” in each demographic on our team. We wrestled with marketing, sales copy, product design, and events surrounding the topic. The result? That book became a best-seller, thanks to a combined effort of “old masters” and “young geniuses.”

I’m excited to share with you—my book releases this fall on this topic: “A New Kind of Diversity: Making the Different Generations on Your Team a Competitive Advantage.”

You can grab your copy now at: NewDiversityBook.com.