The Most Influential Person in Your Life

I am sure you’ve been asked the question: who’s the most influential person in your past? When I’m asked that question, the people who come to mind are the significant mentors, coaches, leaders and friends I’ve known over the years. As I look back, I’d also add my marvelous parents, who raised me as a young boy.

But while those folks are very influential, they’re not the right answer to the question.

No one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you more than you do. The truth is, both you and I are in constant, endless conversation with ourselves. It is a quiet, inward dialogue where we talk about our doubts, our beliefs, other people, God, and our future; we even have imaginary conversations with other people as we prepare for a potential real conversation. I am notorious for this, and in years past, I’d even move my lips silently as I processed my thoughts. (I later learned it’s best to refrain from this as observers might think I’m crazy). What we say to ourselves is crucial because it shapes our desires, choices, words and actions. If we are honest, even though we respect the voice of others, we talk and listen to ourselves more than anyone else. Eventually, the incessant pelting we receive from ourselves gets through—with either a positive or negative impact.

I was reminded of this by Paul David Tripp, who noticed his self-talk was often damaging. He committed to improving his talk because he realized how influential it was to his future. Not a bad resolution to make.

So, what are you saying to yourself?

Are your inward conversations full of self-doubt, suspicion, skepticism or anxiety? Do you tell yourself: I’m going to lose my job. My marriage is miserable. I hate my boss. We are always “preaching” to ourselves, and as we listen, we become more lonely or social; more hopeless or ambitious; more fearful or optimistic. Because most people aren’t disciplined about their inward conversations, I’ve recommended they stop listening to themselves and start talking to themselves, telling themselves the truth about their future potential.

This is step one.

I remember being asked to speak at a convention years ago. It was a large audience, about 15,000 leaders meeting in an arena. Prior to going on, I began to spiral in my silent dialogue: “What am I doing here? There are so many speakers who’d do a better job than me right now. What if I bomb? What if I go blank? What if I disappoint the audience and the host who asked me to speak?” That’s the moment I arrested my senseless self-talk. I got alone in a side room backstage and began telling myself the truth: “I’m honored to be here. I have prepared for this moment. I have some ideas that will be valuable to these listeners. I can hardly wait to share them. I’m not nervous; I’m excited. I got this.”

It really is true. No one talks to you more than you do. Choose your words intentionally.


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